Mental Illness- Mental Health Awareness Week.

It’s 2019 and there is still a massive stigma surrounding the topic. We are too afraid to open up about how we are feeling mentally. I understand that if you aren’t aware of what Mental Illness is or signs and symptoms to look out for whether that be in yourself or maybe a friend, colleague or family member, you may think that feeling the way you’re feeling is normal, and everyone feels it, the truth is there isn’t enough education behind Mental Illness. We aren’t teaching our colleagues, children etc the most simple facts about different Mental Health Issues. Just having the conversation with a colleague, checking in on them. Majority of people who are suffering with a Mental Illness are facing it alone, but that shouldn’t be the case. I get that everyone feels sad, nervous or just generally not themselves but when these symptoms are affecting your every day chores and activities, this is when you need to take a step back and reflect on how these thoughts are affecting you.

The first step towards recovery is talking to someone about the way you’re feeling. You may feel like you are on your own, and no one is willing to listen. You’ll be surprised at the amount of people that will offer you their time to listen to your problem. Whether it’s a family member, a colleague at work or if you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know, there are many charity helplines that are designed to help you, like http://samaritans.org you can email or call their helpline 116 123 they have volunteers who work around the clock, 24/7 to chat or to write to. I’ve used the service before, it’s incredible that someone who doesn’t know you can help you so much, it’s a confidential service (unless in certain situations where their safeguarding policy comes in, refer to website for more info linked above), out of best interest of yourself or someone in need. There are many other helplines and charities which I will list at the end. Once you get over the first hurdle you will find it easier, I promise.

I’ve been in the exact same position, you feel lost, lonely, you feel like it’s just you against the demons in your head. You’re not alone. You may feel like you’re drowning. There is a way out, just speak to someone, start the conversation. Admitting you need help is a sign of strength not weakness.

Please make sure your friends and loved ones are ok, if you haven’t heard from them in a while, just message them or talk to them face to face to check if they’re feeling ok. If you make plans and they keep canceling just double check they aren’t isolating themselves, just to say you’re there for them can help them out, it may not be their fault, so don’t get mad if they let you down there could be something else going on. Don’t force them to open up, they may be afraid that they’re putting themselves in a vulnerable position, when in actual fact they are far from it. Once again It’s Okay Not to Be Okay.

Helpful Links:

http://www.samaritans.orghttp://www.anxietyuk.org.ukhttp://www.bipolaruk.org.ukhttp://www.thecalmzone.nethttp://www.menshealthforum.org.ukhttp://www.mentalhealth.org.ukhttp://www.mind.org.ukhttp://www.nopanic.org.ukhttp://www.ocdaction.org.uk (all links were found on NHS Mental Health Helplines for more info)

The Storm.

I feel like Mental health is like the weather. When the sun is shining or it’s just a genuinely beautiful day, you may be having the best day mentally, your anxiety is at bay or you’ve actually made it out of bed. But when the weather changes, whether that is in the same day as the sunshine, it rains, but when it rains it pours. The rain resembles the negative thoughts, the over whelming feeling of anxiety or your depression has hit an all time low. The rain lingers, turns to thunder, then lightning but still continues to rain. You feel there is no rainbow in sight.

When you feel you have your mental health under control whatever that may be, if you’re like me I am just waiting for that rain to fall on a sunny day. Imagine this, it’s your day off you wake up early you actually feel refreshed for the first time since you can remember. You proceed with the usual routine, as soon as you sit there and be silent with your thoughts, you realise “okay, so I’m in a good mood. Amazing for the first time in a while. But why?? Why am I in a good mood?? This usually means something bad is going to happen. But when is it going to happen..” these questions rotate around my head like a hamster running as fast as it’s little legs can handle. This makes your beautiful sunny day turn to a massive storm in a matter of hours.

When I’m expecting this storm that I know for sure is brewing, I make myself panic, overthink every step I make. I feel vulnerable. I feel I’m letting everyone down around me, that I am treating people a way I would never want to be treated. I’m becoming the person I despise. I don’t feel the same.

I’m fully aware that the only person who can change these thoughts and feelings are myself. Instead of seeing all the negatives, try to see the positives. At the end of the day, I am lucky to be here today. Where I am in my life. But that’s the problem, when will I feel good enough or worthy enough?? Will I be able to overcome this stage in my life?? I ask the same questions multiple times a day. If I’ve not completed a task I should have completed, I feel I’ve let everyone down that I’m not worthy of this opportunity. If I’ve forgotten to do something that I promised to do, I feel I’ve let everyone down that no one will ever trust me.

2019 was suppose to be the year that I focused on myself. Focused on this, what you’re reading The World of Meg. But things have gotten in the way, I’m gonna just admit I’ve been struggling mentally with a lot of things. My Anxiety it 100% still present as much as I want it to magically disappear, but it won’t. If I ignore it, it’ll still be there tomorrow. I’ve felt so unmotivated. But I want to get back to writing. I have things I want to open up about but I need to fully accept I’m ready first. Time does heal but if you don’t face that fear of re-living that period of your life you won’t be able to over come it. It takes time. Don’t rush.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for being so patient with me.

Take care,

Meg xx

2018 – 2019

Featured

I don’t know if it’s just me but New Years makes my anxiety rocket from say a five to a ten quicker than you can say New Years. The thought of watching the count down, 3,2,1 and it’s 2019, sends shivers down my spine. I know many of you won’t understand but maybe a handful of you do. All I can think about is what could happen in the year to come. Whether loved ones will be with me this time next year, whether I’ll be better as a person or I will be the person I would hate to be. I know that I’m the only one who can ensure I don’t turn into the person who I would hate to be. But time moves so fast and it won’t stop for anyone. Even though you may feel at one point in the year that everything stops, because something has happened that makes life feel so still and empty.

Life is so precious, it’s so easy to take for granted. I’ve done it, I’m sure you have too. It’s mad that we only realise that we take it for granted when something happens that puts things into perspective. One saying I always stick by and strongly believe in, is everything happens for a reason. When something happens, that is life changing, I feel whether you’re religious or not, God or life has put that obstacle in your way for a reason. Because maybe experiencing this will help shape you into a better YOU. Help you realise that this is your life, you only have one shot so take the experience fully on board and you never know, maybe you’ll understand why this happens.

Believe in yourself, never doubt. I know for myself I probably spend the majority of my time doubting my decisions, this is something I want to change, not for anyone else but for myself. Don’t ever let anyone rule what you want to do. I feel if you truly believe in something you’ll get your head down and work for it. Unfortunately, things like this aren’t given to you on a plate, you’ve got to get on with it and face it head on.

This year I don’t want to set a resolution, because I feel that they are just empty promises to myself. They don’t mean anything to me. I just want to set myself little goals every week. To work on myself, to better myself, get rid of the fake people who wouldn’t even think twice about me. Toxic relationships – gone. I’m going to be selfish, being selfish doesn’t harm anyone. If you think, when you board a plane and the safety briefing commences, the flight attendant will explain “oxygen masks will drop from above…..put your own mask on first before anyone else’s”. This is classed as being Selfish. Selfishness isn’t a bad thing just don’t take advantage of it.

To you who is reading this. Thank you so much for this year, starting this blog has helped me in so many ways. More than you can imagine. It’s incredible to think that I’ve helped some of you reading this. This is honestly something I cannot even comprehend. I cannot believe that you’re taking time out of your day to read my posts. I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, I’m hoping to get back on schedule again.

Hope you all had an incredible Christmas. And happy new year to you all! I wish you all the best take care of yourselves.

Megs xoxo (Instagram: Megjune99)

Self Acceptance.

Self Acceptance means accepting yourself fully for the person you are.

It’s such an amazing thing to be able to fully accept yourself for who you are and not for who you wish to be. I mean don’t get me wrong I am still waiting for the right time to fully accept myself. I may never be content with myself, it may take years for me to be able to feel beautiful or at least mediocre, and to feel okay in my own skin. Like in my last post (Insecure – Body Image.) I touched on the way I feel about myself. I do wish I had the confidence in myself to do whatever I want to do. I subconsciously worry about the way I look more than I’d like to admit.

I feel this time of year, as Christmas is quickly approaching, people are trying to diet, lose some weight so they can indulge this holiday season. I feel like so many people feel so guilty for eating whatever the hell they want. Some may struggle to eat at Christmas in front of family as they may have had a bad experience in the past. You’re afraid to indulge in the chocolates, roast dinner just incase Auntie Jane you haven’t seen for years makes you feel insecure about how different you look since the last time you’ve seen her, scared she’ll say something about your weight or those little insecurities that ONLY you see when you look at yourself. In actual fact, she won’t say anything. But every time someone stares at you, you think that they’re thinking that you’ve got a hairy face or that your double chin is way too prominent.

Let me remind you that you’re perfectly fine! You’re beautiful. You’re strong and brave. Don’t ever feel bad for feeling beautiful. For some reason, women and men who call themselves beautiful are called selfish, self absorbed or “up themselves”. But in actual fact we need to build each other up rather than knocking ourselves down. Don’t ever feel guilty for thinking or saying you look beautiful, it isn’t a crime. Don’t just say it light heartedly, say it like you mean it, because you know, you really are BEAUTIFUL. Don’t ever let anyone say any different. Just because you don’t look like that girl that’s on your Insta feed. If someone tries to dim your light, don’t ever let them have a negative impact on the way you feel about yourself, don’t let that negative Nelly tell you how to feel about yourself. They’re probably extremely insecure about themselves. If you’re gonna change anything, make sure it’s for yourself, not for anyone else! I know this is so hard but, you really are beautiful inside and out.

If you take anything from this blog post, I just want you to feel that it’s ok to say you feel beautiful, because it’s true, you really are. I know it is hard to tell yourself, but I’m telling you now it is so true! You don’t need the layers of makeup, but if you feel most confident or beautiful with makeup on, so be it do whatever the hell you want because you know what you only have ONE life so live it! Surround yourself with people who care, and who make time for you and make an effort for you, get rid of the ones who drag you down!! It’s not worth your time. Take care of yourselves x

 

Ps. Im so sorry that I’ve missed weeks of uploading, I’ve had a bit of a writers block. But Im hoping to be back. I want to fully throw myself into this next year. Try my best to help either ONE or more people. Just remember you’re amazing and doing a great job, thank you for sticking with me xx

Pressure.

The pressure, whether that is to do your best or to be perfect. We are all surrounded by the pressure that life throws at us. There is pressure to get a job, look a certain way and to act a certain way. I feel younger people experience a great deal of pressure, especially whilst going through school. Teenagers are so vulnerable, they are going through a massive change whether that being going from year nine to year ten. It’s unavoidable. They are exposed to a great deal of pressure throughout their whole school experience. I feel, myself as I look back I can see when I was in school sitting tests, exams and being pressured to pass every test because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to do the things I  wanted to do. As a teenager you can become unaware of the pressure that is put on you. But also we put so much pressure on ourselves because we see so much on social media.

I mean, don’t get me wrong social media can be an amazing place, you can connect with people who you haven’t seen in years, post events that mean a lot to you, for yourself to look back and think of how blessed you are to have been able to experience that event in your life, sometimes good but some bad. The down side to it is that you expose yourself to things that mess about in your head, for example you go onto Instagram and flick through your feed, you can see that Saffron has just uploaded a new picture in a glorious outfit, her makeup flawless, her figure to die for and her smile is just perfect. The reality of this photo is that she doesn’t just upload any sort of photo to her profile, she’s planned to take a new photo which has taken her more than one take to get the perfect angle, she hasn’t just got up, put on a pair of joggers and a hoodie with greasy hair and a spotty face, because she knows that no one will like that, we only want to see the perfectly curled hair, with perfect pink lipstick, nothing out of place, just perfect. That word perfect.. it just rolls around Jessica’s mind because she feels she isn’t like Saffron, she thinks she should be like Saffron because from what she has seen, Saffron has everything that Jessica wants. She gets hundreds of likes and comments on any photo she uploads. I’m not saying that Saffron is an unrealistic figure I’m saying that people need to realise that this whole social media thing isn’t as perfect as you think. Social media is such a toxic place, you’ll find yourself on there for hours, going through peoples accounts, filling your mind with the unrealistic social media lives, it makes you feel like you need to look this way to be accepted by other people.

Can I just say, that you’re perfect the way you are. You don’t need to change anything about yourself just to fit in and feel like people will like you. Only change if you are doing it for yourself, not for other people. I promise, if you feel you don’t fit in, in time you will find people who accept you for who you are, whether you’re weird like me, you will find people who love you the way you are. I understand people are cruel, and if you know someone who may need a friend, be that person to speak to them and spend times getting to know them because you can change your opinion on that person once you give them your time.

Thank you all again for the ongoing support of my blog, I feel that on here I can express on what I’m passionate about. I have so much I want to say, I’m trying to find structure to this page. I’m forever grateful for all the love you all are showing me. Take care of yourselves.

Loneliness

Isolation, abandonment, sadness…

The feeling of being isolated, you look at other peoples relationships and wish you had a friendship like theirs. Whether you’re recovering from a break up, or loss of friends I know how you feel, you’re not alone. I know you may feel like your suffocating yourself with the thoughts of longing to have a large group of friends. I’ve been there, and I’m here to tell you you’re not alone, and it’s normal to feel this way. I promise. The thing is, if we weren’t meant to feel lonely, we wouldn’t even know there was such feeling.

Even the one person you think has it all, from what you see is that they have a large group of friends, they seem happy, they have a house they live comfortably, all the things you long to have in your life. However, they could be the one who feel they have no one, they could go home and cry themselves to sleep, they don’t talk about it because they feel that they don’t have the right to feel this way. Which in fact (again), it’s ok to feel this way.

I remember, I left school at 16 and went straight into work whilst all of my “friend(s)” stayed in school for sixth form. I feel when this happens, you seem to go your separate ways, oh and you find out the truth of what your so called friends have said about you behind your back. Going straight to work after finishing school has made me such a different person. Even though I’ve lost so many people on this journey, I’ve also gained some proper friends along the way. I think sometimes you need to be in a bad place to actually appreciate the good things. I went through a stage just over a year ago, where I was in a job which at the time I didn’t realise was making me so negative, it was such a toxic work place my mental health spiralled, I went into a deep hole which was just (what it felt) Myself, loneliness and crazy anxiety. I woke up, anxious and sad, and I went to sleep crying and anxious. I was always just drained from energy from the amount of effort it took to even wash my hair, all the simple tasks seemed the hardest. I would go into work for 8:30 even though my shift didn’t start until 10, just because if I stayed home I would be in a state and would make myself sick from the thought of leaving the house, the thought that if I spoke to my manager I didn’t know whether she would rip my head off or reply in a polite tone (you can guess what would happen majority of the time). After working there for two years, I knew I needed to leave so I applied for a job in a Hospital Pharmacy, in which I can now say I’m happy with work. I wake up in the morning not dreading going into work, my managers are both lovely and I know I can speak to them when I need help. I can say good morning to them and they’ll be willing to have a conversation with me, I no longer need to walk on egg shells.

As well as being content with my job, I have finally found true friends, that I trust and I hope that they trust me too(you know who you are). What I’ve learnt is that you don’t have to have a large group of friends to feel happy and accepted, I only have a handful of friends and if I’m honest I do feel that I prefer it. The thing is as long as you treat people the way you want to be treated you will gain a huge amount of respect from those who are willing to spend their time with you, and if they don’t, you shouldn’t waste your precious time and energy on them. You’re worthy of living a happy and healthy life!

So the moral of this story/blog post, is that its okay to feel lonely, but I beg you please speak to someone, it’s important to tell someone how you’re feeling. Being stuck in this isolating bubble on your own is not nice, I would never wish it on my worst enemy. If you feel like you have no friends, I’ll be your friend. You’re not alone!

Remember: Take care of yourself, it’s ok to be selfish sometimes x