You make me feel like I’m not good enough, that I don’t deserve to love or I don’t deserve to be loved. You cause me to question every person who comes into my life because you tell me “they don’t even like you so why are you bothering”. You make me fear the outside world, some days you take over everything. I cannot message a close friend without you telling me they’re going to hate you for what you’re telling them, they’re going to leave you. Some days I lay in bed and you tell me why should I even go to work everyone is going to ignore you so don’t bother. You cause me to throw up, to constantly back and forth to the toilet.
You’ve lived with me for far too long. I’m tired. I’m tired of missing out on events, whether that’s with friends or family. You drain my energy, to a point where I can’t complete simple tasks, you force me to stay in bed.
I need you to leave me alone. You’re not here to stay and you will not stay. I’m sick and tired of you.
I know I can’t do this on my own, I cannot overcome this on my own. I’ve tried and guess what, you won as you always do. You’re not wining this time! I AM.
I know that I’m not alone. Everyone has their own battles and this is one of mine. So here goes the process of leaving you.
So for the person reading this. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to feel 100% everyone has their demons, we just need to support each other in our recovery no matter what you’re recovering from. I believe in you and I will be behind you the whole process. You’ve got this.